i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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