Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
