Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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