I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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