I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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