i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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