I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
In America we eat man semen.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need moral support for this bender
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
