Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
