My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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