I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
