Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
