I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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