You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
