Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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