We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
