Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
