We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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