This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
