there was a trapeze. enough said
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
