my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
