hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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