I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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