On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
