May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
