Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
