i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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