My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
