What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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