So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
