You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
