If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
