my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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