Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
