one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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