Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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