I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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