the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
