you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
