TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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