my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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