the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
