LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
