I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Everything about him screamed your future.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
