They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
