I CAN MOONWALK!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
