This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
