she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
