I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
