we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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