So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
