the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
