Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
