We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
